so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
