This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
