Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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