whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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