Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
