You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize