Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
