Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
