your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
