Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
