Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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