Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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