I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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