Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
