when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize