i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Randomize
