I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
