i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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