Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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