ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
