batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
