Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
