I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
