Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
