the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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