My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
