He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
