I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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