So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
