I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
