i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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