just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i drank out of a bidet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
