I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
