your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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