So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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