my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
