so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize