No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
