I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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