she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
