She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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