I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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