Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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