im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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