Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this hospital has no fireball
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
