By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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