she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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