I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
