It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
