i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
