just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
