Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
