I love black thongs
i already hear my dad disowning me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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