Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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