Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's the barista slut.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
50% drunk capacity currently
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
