Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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