I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
