why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
