I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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