am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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