Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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