Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
