My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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