we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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