i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
