i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
