i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
