Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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