I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
