if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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