She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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