sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
