I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize