New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
