So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
