dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
NoShamevember. You game?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize