were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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