Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
