Me. At least after what I've been through.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
