I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
