Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
