Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
