I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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