i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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