I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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