Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
