Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize