well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
