; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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