I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
