he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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