I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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