i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
