he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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