I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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