I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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